Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
