I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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