Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
