I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh god it's open bar.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
