He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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