I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
