The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
