3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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