don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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