There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Randomize
