3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
