You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
