I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Enjoy the penises
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You ruined the universe
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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