So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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