My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize
