whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
