Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
