Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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