If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
