at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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