The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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