He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
