You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
