u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
