nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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