we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
