i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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