i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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