What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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