Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
