I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
