She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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