If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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