Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
