Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
