who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
