and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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