the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
