Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Found the puke drawer
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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