Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
