I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
