I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
