Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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