All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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