I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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