He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
