I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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