i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
