I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you inspire me to be a worse person
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Can I color on your dick again?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
