I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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