i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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