Your dad touched me again.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
