peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
