I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
