That's intense
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
