I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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