the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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