someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
