What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
