you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Randomize
