Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
