Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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