Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
