Just fell off a train. Bad.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
