yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
