He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
