I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
