I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
