i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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