And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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