omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
