Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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