why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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