So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
