You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
